Big Questions for a little brain

Lucas has recently started to ask the Big questions. And whereas some children start relatively small and ease into it, Lucas would not have been Lucas if he would follow such a pathway. Hís first Big question was this: "Zijn tomaten nou fruit of groente?" (Is a tomato a kind of fruit or a vegetable?).
Now, I can deal with difficult questions, but unfortunately his need for answers is not easily met. For example, concerning the extinction of dinosaurs, he's less than happy to find out that scientists do not have a definite answer as of yet. He keeps pressing me for information, as according to him, I must know more. "Nee mama, jij moet meer vertellen." "Jij weet het wél." (No mommy, you have to tell me more. You dó know). One of my solutions to this is to ask him what he thinks. So, let it be known that a moon fell on earth and killed all dinosaurs. Also, tomatoes are a fruit, and baby's are born through your belly button, which hurts, but only for a second. Just thought I'd share the answers to Lucas' Life Questions with you.

With this in mind, I remembered an old poem I once wrote. On occasion, Lucas is having monster nightmares, and recently he wondered why mommy and daddy get to sleep together, whereas he had to sleep all alone.

Monsters

Mam zegt dat monsters niet bestaan,
maar hoe weet zij dat nou?
Als ze mijn kamer binnenkomt, verdwijnen ze heel gauw.
Ze springen in de kasten,
en laden bovendien.
Ze laten niets meer van zich horen, laten zich niet zien.
Totdat ze me een kusje geeft,
en weer naar papa gaat,
dan komen ze tevoorschijn, en worden heel erg kwaad.
Nee, papa heeft maar geluk,
dat mama bij hem ligt.
Bij hem zijn kasten werk'lijk leeg en blijven laden dicht.

Excommunication

When you are expecting your first child, everything is exciting and extraordinary. You're totally exhilarated, don't know what to expect (except the obvious) and in case you're me, you tend to examine all kinds of tables with examples of age-related milestones. Now, when you're expecting your second born, things are a little different. Because, of course, you know what to expect, right? But that's just what you think. You are better off not expecting to know what to expect and you should definitely refrain from extrapolating from your previous experiences. Because the existence of 50% gene-overlap counts for exactly nothing. Zero that is.

For example, my first born exceeded my expectations concerning his expressive language development. At 19 months his vocabulary consisted of an exceptionally well pronounced 300-something words, some words more exclusive than others (can anybody explain why a child this age would need the word 'label'?). Now, I honestly did not expect my second born to be exactly the same. And it is not that he is at the other extreme with no words to express himself. But his pronunciation is extraordinary, exquisite and very exclusive (or in this case, I should say very INclusive), with most words falling into either one of three categories: auto, tuttel and behh.

Within the category 'auto':

ootoo (auto/car)

tatooh (tractor/tractor)

otoonn (open/open)

ootehh (oma/grandma)

tootehh (broodje/bread)

tooteh (vogel/bird)

The category 'tuttel' (cuddly blanket):

tuttehh (tuttel/cuddly blanket)

titteh (zitten/sit)

tietuh (vliegtuig, airplane)

ditteh (drinken/drink)

ditteh/dit (dicht/shut)

tietteh (fiets/bike)

tuiteh (buiten/outside)

tuttah (Lucas/Lucas) (who - by the way - does not appreciate being called a cuddly blanket)

thitheh (visje/fish)

tijteh (kijken/look)

And the category 'behh':

bah (bah/bwegh)

boo (boom/tree)

ba (bal/ball)

bui (buik/tummy)

The less exclusive, 'other' category:

nee (no), o-o!, kaaa! (klaar/done), koe (cow), jaaa! (lamp/lamp), kaa! (kaas/cheese), papa (daddy), mama (mommy, toettoet (sound of car), aai (hug), kie-ke-boe (peekaboo), haa (haar/hair), tnnn (teen/toe), neu (neus/nose), pepehh (piemel/private parts), wawa (hond/dog)

And last, and also least category 'English':

car, go, eaja (ear), choochoo, hi

Think I'm exaggerating? You'll just have to excuse me.

USAccident part II

Hurray, finally! We've got ourselves another accident report (or as a friend suggested, a 'gewondheidsverklaring'). I thought we'd never get another. Is it just me, or are you wondering how Kwint managed to hit his foot against his forehead too. Limber dude right?




Related to accident issues, my eldest son is an avid insect hugger, which can be potentially harmful both for insects and Lucas. Yesterday we were playing outside when he found a fly.

Lucas: "Look mom, a fly."
Me: (basking in the sun with my eyes closed) "Good for you, hon!"
Lucas: "Look mom, I put in on my hand."
Me: (still eyes closed) "That's nice."
Lucas: (more insistent) "Look!"
Me: (ok, this cannot be ignored). "Ah, cool"
Me: (upon closer look) "Uhm, hon, I don't think that's a fly." "It's a wasp."
Me: (definitely trying not to panic). "It's not such a good idea to put wasps on your hand, Lucas. They can sting. Anyway, I think the wasp is tired, we should put it in the bush here."

Lucas: "Yes, the wasp is tired. It needs to go to sleep." "And after he wakes, he can watch some television, right mom?"

And on a completely different note: I got invited to attend a private Botox party. Dubious honor I know. But if they manage to get 15 people to attend, we all get a discount AND free appetizers. Now, who can refuse that?

Parenting, problems and plumbers

You might think I have all the answers concerning parenting issues, me being a child psychologist (orthopedagoog) and all. At least that's what I hear sometimes. Well... you thought wrong. I wrestle with parenting issues just as much as my plumber does. I think. I'm actually not sure if I have a plumber. And should I have one, I don't know if he has children. But let's say I do and he does, for the sake of argument.
Although my education may have provided me with the theoretical answers to every parenting question in the book -and I sincerely doubt that-, putting the theory to practice is something else altogether. You could argue I got to turn theory into practice during my internship. But they never gave me my kids while I was an intern. It's easy to know what you are supposed to do when it isn't your own child you're talking about. Sleep issues with your baby? Page 25. Eating problems? Page, 30, 56, 89, 110 (a returning issue). Potty training for toddlers? Page 112. Terrible two's? Page 304-506 (a long, long chapter). But there isn't anything in the book about the sleep issues of my little one, potty training my toddler, not to mention the rules and regulations of managing my son's terrible two's. My children don't live by the book, they write the book. With colorful crayons.

Isn't it strange that people tend to think that you're such a great parent based on the notion that you are a child psychologist? You never hear people mention the same thing to surgeons, right? "Oh, isn't that handy being a surgeon. That way, when your child brakes his knee jumping from the swing, you can always operate on him". No, cause they are not allowed to operate on members of their own family, on account of their emotions interfering with their skills. But they don't say anything like that when you get your child psychology degree. So, I would argue that parenting is actually more difficult for me than for my hypothetical plumber. Firstly, he's not bothered by all the theoretical baggage and just tinkers about. Secondly, even if he wouldn't know how to raise his children, he can always rely on his plumbing skills being useful around the house. And last...he doesn't have my children. But I love my children, all their problems and issues included. Because at the end of the day I always get that overwhelming feeling of love when they lie in bed, snuggle up to me and say "mommy, I love you". That or "I did a little fart". Either way, my heart melts.

*disclaimer:
My children are actually not that difficult. They eat reasonably well, they sleep a lot, tantrums consists of mild screaming fits with an occasional foot pounding and potty training was a one-week struggle although we're still working on number 2. That doesn't mean it's easy peasy though.
**disclaimer:

It has to be mentioned that my area of expertise is not in parenting issues, but developmental disorders. So, the point is moot.

Weapons of mass-paranoia

Many people still believe there is some truth to the 'vaccination leads to autism' idea. Why? Because some researchers claim to have found evidence supporting such a link. Enter Mr. Wakefield, who conducted one of the major studies into this area, and who published an important paper on a direct link between MMR vaccination (against measles, mumps, and rubella) and autism. However, whereas he was famous for his scientific results, he's now famous for something else altogether. His paper on the link between MMR vaccination and autism has been retracted, and Mr. Wakefield has been stripped of his medical license. Apparently, he had failed to disclose the fact that he was being paid by a law firm seeking to sue vaccine manufacturers. Moreover, he has not been able to reproduce the results. The most recent news in this whole ugly mess is being published by the British medical journal BMJ, who claim that Wakefield has falsified the actual data of the original study. Disclaimer: no proof there yet.

I know for a fact that the stories around vaccination have given rise to concern in parents of children with developmental disorders. Both during my time as a researcher and during my job as a psychologist, parents have questioned me about the possibility of vaccination as the cause of their child's problems. In addition, I also heard parents mentioning that their child's autistic symptoms started around the time of the vaccination (which also happens to be around the time that major milestones in the area of language, motor skills and cognition take place). Now, IF there is clear evidence that vaccination can result in autistic symptoms, I agree that we would have to think about our vaccination program. However, we should also be aware that the consequences of non-vaccination could result in higher rates of complications or even child-morbidity.

The idea of a link seems to stick in our heads, regardless of scientific evidence to the contrary. While googling I found that 48 percent of American people participating in the Harris interactive/health day poll either believes that there is truth in a link between vaccination and autism, or is not sure. What's more staggering is that this poll has been conducted AFTER the Wakefield paper had been retracted. Only half of the people participating in the poll actually heard about the paper being retracted, while almost everyone knew about the initial results. The combination between the unlimited access we have to all kinds of information (without necessarily being able to appreciate the value and truth of it) and the preference of the media to pick up on spectacular results proves to be a dangerous one.

As far as I know, there is no convincing evidence supporting a claim between vaccination and autism. In fact, the prevalence of autism in Japan seems to increase, in spite of the fact that they discontinued their MMR vaccinations. There is also counter-evidence against a link between autism and Thimerosal (a mercury based preservative often added to vaccines). Children who were exposed to Thimerosal, either in infancy or intrauterine did not show a higher prevalence of autism compared to children who were not exposed to Thimerosal.

So yes, I give my children their shots. Although I must admit there is a flicker of doubt when our doctor wants to give my eldest son extra shots for diseases that are common in the USA. That does not make me a bad researcher, a paranoid or a gullible person. It just makes me a mom who loves her children more than anything in the world.